Right now this past week has been a flood with the dam breaking and tears almost non-stop. This is the First Christmas without my momma, my best friend and even though I know she remains in my heart and I will see her again it still does not lessen the pain at times. The tears come at will and the pain of losing her feels just as new as it was one year ago.
Memory Lane: Some days I just sit on my porch and let the tears roll as visions of momma and all the wonderful memories we made float round my head. Trips to Key West, the Glass Bottom Boat we went on and I went snorkeling while she enjoyed the company of some of the others who remained on board...Sloppy Joe's and so many other places down Duval St and some rather interesting venues on out of the way places. We would find them and take our time browsing and enjoying the wares. She loved stained glass windows and there was one church on Duval we would visit when there. Key West was and still is, one of my most favourite places with the warmth of the residents and tourists alike. It felt like home to me and I hated to leave once there.
Momma and I also trekked to many flea markets ~ Cowboy Junction, Howards Flea Market, Stokes Flea Market and the incredibly enormous Websters Flea Market ~ We would have to leave so early in the morning to get a decent parking spot and then even spending the day there you never saw everything lol. Better wear a good pair of walking shoes too.
So this depression - How do I cope? I cry, let the tears fall although I really really hate getting all stuffed up and not being able to breathe after but tears are a release and are cleansing. Some days I just curl up under the covers and sleep the day away. That is ok too unless I find myself in a long term isolation mode. That can happen even when I am not grieving so that is something to watch out for. Be careful to not be isolating yourself for too long. I have a couple of very good friends who know when to check on me after 7 - 10 days of not hearing from me at all whether text or e-mail.
Do something special that celebrates the legacy of love and life of your loved one.
Eventually the wound will close, the pain will lessen and healing happens. If you find yourself unable to cry you might have to give yourself permission to cry , as silly as it sounds - Everyone grieves differently and not all of us are waterfalls of emotion. Some folks just do not cry and that is ok too. This is a rough time for so many people and the stress of a holiday gathering that is supposed to be filed with fun and merriment can cause many to become unglued.
Food: Eating should be for our bodies nutritional needs but somewhere along the line many of us got wounded and turned to food for comfort. I still find solace in certain comfort foods although not as often now. It is very difficult to live with an eating disorder. Eating in secret, binging and not purging, feeling ashamed and yet, it is an illness...It has been difficult to work through and heal yet I have a greater understanding of my triggers that set me to binge eating and now work hard to avoid them. I fall now and then but it's ok. My binging is not like it used to be. I have it under control much better these days. My main comfort food is ice cream and sometimes cold chocolate. Mostly it is ice cream in moderate portions. Hey we all need something and I am not giving up my ice cream lol. I might go to frozen yogurt one day...
Take your days in small bites. Prioritize chores and outings for shopping. Housework can seem overwhelming and it is perfectly ok to leave the dishes in the sink until later, laundry and other tasks to be done when you are feeling more up to it. The dusting can wait...and if the Queen (of England - or In-law) per chance makes an unannounced visit well then, she will meet your loving Dust Bunny family and their extended relatives LOL..Life will not come to an end because you left something undone. Honest...
Acknowledge your loss and grief if this is the first year without a loved one. Make plans in advance the best you can with those you will be gathering with. let them know what may be hard for you and talk about things you would like to do for the holiday. Maybe certain traditions would be too much for you and you wish to by pass being part of that festivity. Feel free to start a new tradition. Maybe one to honour the memory of your loved one and their life or your lives together.
Support...Very important~make sure you have extra support as the holidays roll around with their sacks and suitcases packed chock full of triggers and stress. Avoid Toxic people whenever and wherever you can. If you must be around certain persons who are negative and non-supportive then keep your contact brief and cell phone handy with your support numbers already in your address book - just in case.
Peace, Love and Light
Elizabeth
Merry Christmas
Happy Holidays
Blessed Yule
Happy Chanukkah
Stay safe and be blessed<3
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